Mood:
brightTopic: Child Rearing
I have just been through potty training, so i have some fresh ideas on it.
I have potty trained 2 kids, the 2nd, Ibrahim, who is 2 years 4 months, is clean during the day now since a few weeks but still wears a diaper at night. Though i am still struggling with him using the big toilet when we are not home because he's used to his potty. I started when he was 2 yrs, 2 months. I was waiting until i felt that he wanted to stop wearing diapers. I would ask him, do you want to be a big boy or a baby? When he started saying 'big boy' i knew he was ready.
General Tips:
1) Motivation #1: As with trying to remove a habit from your life, you need a motivation to do so. How will you motivate a toddler to use a potty/toilet? The key is in making him hate his diaper. You have to hate your habit enough to change it. You have to realize the negative effects. So you can tell your child how the diaper is uncomfortable, heavy, smelly with poop, gives you a rash, doesn't let the skin breathe, how urine irritates the skin, etc. I would tell Ibrahim this every few days for several months and this was what made him 'ready' to change and want to be big like his sister and father.
2) Motivation #2: Another motivating factor is seeing other children use the potty. I did this with my first child, sumayyah. I rented a video from the library, "Once Upon A Potty" and she watched that everyday for 2 weeks, she would ask for it. Ibrahim didn't need a video, he saw his sister everyday. Sibling example is all you need with a 2nd child in most issues, not just potty training.
3) Reward: i used hershey's kisses, but now i would suggest organic chocolate chips. (I now know that white sugar is like a poison, especially for kids) For both kids 2 bags were enough to train them. When the 2 bags were up, i just said 'oh, no more chocolate left' and within a few days he forgot all about them and stopped asking. Every time they used the potty they would get one hershey kiss. And a real kiss and hug too! For Ibrahim, i used to tell him 'do pee pee so we can show daddy when he comes home' and that would get him everytime. As for bowel movements, i would give a popsicle. They have those mini ones or you could make your own using juice, toothpicks, and an ice-cube tray. Or choose some other acceptable treat that your child likes. Sumayyah loved the popsicle idea while Ibrahim didn't because he is not into cold things, he would rather have 2 chocolate kisses than a popsicle.
4) The Right Potty: Babies R Us had the potty that was used in the "Once Upon A Potty" Video so i bought that and used the idea that was in the video. I had my husband buy the potty and wrap the box with the free wrapping paper they have. Then he gave it to sumayyah as a gift, it came with a book too for the child. It is a one-piece potty, so it is much easier to clean, no assembly or parts to fumble with, easy to carry with you around the house or wherever you go, and built in splash guard in the front. For Ibrahim, i didn't do this, i just used the same potty and it worked for him. Sumayyah has a more difficult personality so i had to go to greater lengths and use more incentives. So getting her the potty that was in the video was the answer for her. Every child is different. But an easier child might not need a certain potty or gadget.
5) Never punish the child. A strong assertive voice to remind him is all that is needed. Anything more than that can attach a negative feeling to using the potty. The good thing is the technique i describe below is condusive to keeping the whole ordeal relatively easy and anger-free.
6) Talk with your child and explain everything, they understand more than you think. Whenever you are trying anything with them or they are giving you a hard time with something, try just talking to them about it.
7) Looking at an interesting book is a good activity for them to do while sitting on the potty. It gets their mind off thinking too much about it and gets the pressure off them so they can relax. It's especially important when they need to poop because it takes more time.
8) The average child is potty trained by 2 1/2 yrs old, so start at 2 yrs - 2 yrs 2 months. At this time, the child can understand more, is able to pull down their pants/underwear, and can distinguish the urge to pee and stop herself until she gets to the potty. Before this age, it will take longer and be more difficult, but not necessarily. One mother i talked to just waits until the child turns 3 and then trains them in 1 day!
The 'Slow' Technique:
For best results, Potty Training should be done slowly, not cold turkey, so it can be an easy and happy time for both of you. When done this way, you can start as early as you like. This technique can be used for weaning too.
1. Study your child's pee and poo for one or two days to see the pattern, write it down.
2. Decide on ONE of the times to put them on the potty, choose the easiest time in your day where you are relaxed and have time. I chose to start in the time before bathtime because i noticed he pees everytime i put him in the bathtub. So i put the whole potty in the bathtub, ran the water, and he peed in it! then i took it out and continuted the bath/bedtime routine as usual. Do this ONE time for one week or more until you see he is doing it every day with confidence. The rest of the day he is still wearing his diaper.
3. Choose a second time now to introduce. I chose before nap time, to continue the pattern of peeing before sleeping. So you're basically adding another step to the Pre-Nap routine: Lunch, Remove diaper, Pee, clean diaper back on, Wash Up, Brush Teeth, story, sleep. Keep trying that until she is consistently doing it every day for a few days in a row, a week or 2 at most.
4. Continue adding an additional potty time every week or 2 until he is using the potty the whole day. But by now he has probably learned how the 'urge to pee' feels and is telling you he needs to pee ahead of your planned schedule. Ibrahim did this, i was up to 3 times a day using the potty and then all by himself he began telling me when he needed to pee in the other times of the day. So i started taking his diaper off every morning and giving him 'training underwear' which are thick cloth underwears. But i would put it back for nap time and the rest of the day. It's important not to rush and not to give him too much responsibility all at once.
5. Slowly increase the 'diaper free' times when you see the child is confident and doing well. But be sure to remind him every hour when he is 'diaper free'. Sometimes, especially at first, it's not enough to remind them, you have to take them and put them on.
6. Expect accidents to get bad at one point, but keep in mind that the next day or so she will probably suddenly 'get it' and rarely have an accident again - so be patient in that 'bad' day. Use accidents as an opportunity to explain the lesson again and point out the uncomfortable-ness of pee on your pants and body.
7. Visualize your child being completely potty trained. The mind is a strange thing, but thinking something can actually make it happen, and it gives hope and confidence.
8. Once your child is diaper-free but is used to using her potty, you will need to carry the potty with you everywhere you go for a few weeks until they become comfortable using public toilets. So the next step here is to transition them to the big toilet. You can teach them how to hold themselves up or you can get one of those toilet attachments for them to sit on. and you need a stool for them to rest their feet on and use to step up to the toilet. For my kids, it just happened that we were out somewhere and had forgotten to bring the potty with us so she had no choice. After that she was fine with using the big toilet. But after a certain point they get to big for the potty and they need to use the regular toilet, so tell them that and get them to want to use the 'big boy toilet'.
9. At some point you need to teach them to wipe, flush, wash their hands, and dry them. A sticker chart booklet is a good idea to get them into these habits.
Night Potty Training:
1. Start when the child is fully day trained for a few months with rare accidents. Stop putting them a diaper before bed. Explain the whole thing to them.
2. No drinks in the 2 hours before bedtime, this decreases or eliminates the need to urinate during the night and is crucial for night training.
3. You need a water-proof mattress cover to protect the mattress from accidents. You'll also need an extra fitted sheet and blanket.
4. Your child should start crying if they need to go pee in the middle of the night. (If not, then perhaps they're not ready for night training) You have to get up and carry them to the bathroom and put them on the toilet. Do not turn the light on, just keep the bathroom door open, the light will wake them up and wake you up too. Then carry them back to bed and they'll go right back to sleep. But this will be minimized by continually enforcing the no drinking before bed rule.
5. By 3 years of age the child, on average, will be night trained, and no longer need a diaper at night. Keep visualizing your child diaper-free day and NIGHT.
6. After a certain phase of this, you should try to teach them to go to the bathroom on their own. (It's exhausting for the parents to keep this up for long, but necessary for a while to teach them what to do) A reward is useful here, like a chocolate chip in the morning, or a sticker chart. A nightlight in the bathroom is good too so they won't be scared. My daughter is finally doing that, i would say by 4 yrs 3 months she was sleeping through the night on her own bed and going to the bathroom by herself when necessary.
In conclusion:
The things i have said here and the ages i mentioned are just my own experiences and i'm sure do not reflect all children, yet i hope the basic ideas are useful for all.
